Funny Book

It’s no secret Brian is the fun parent in this house. We were discussing that one day and he asked the kids “What do you call the not fun parent?” To be clear, he was looking for a TERM. (As in, “the opposite of ‘fun parent’ is…’un-fun parent’ or ‘anti-fun parent'”)

The kids all simultaneously immediately said, “Mom!”

After a glare from me and repressed giggles from Brian, he clarified. “No, I mean what’s the word for the not fun parent?”

There was quiet for a few seconds and then they all chimed back in, “Yeah, still ‘Mom.'”

*sigh*

Yet I agree with these wise words:

“Let me let you in on a little secret . When I met your dad I was fun too, but I had to give all that up because you can’t have two fun parents. It’s a carnival.”

Our Chick-fil-a hosts Daddy Daughter date nights once a year. Last year Brian took both the girls together, and he said next time it would be better if he utilized both nights they offer and take the girls separately. He took Sadie Piper the first night and then told Berkley she was going the next night. Berkley asks, “Are we going to daddy daughter date night, or are we just going to eat at Chick-fil-A?” Poor girl thought SP got the real date and he was just pretending for Berkley. She wasn’t upset, just curious!

 Chick-fil-a date night   Date night

Chick-fil-a date night

Chick-fil-a date night

“I can spell Anastasia. A-n-a…s-t-a…never mind.”
-Beckham (on accident we chose a middle name for Berkley that’s impossible to spell. Sorry ’bout that.)

SP asked her Sunday school class for prayer for Dory (she went outside weeks ago and we haven’t seen her since). Then she said “never mind, we didn’t really like her.”

Laura: “You sure love cuddles Berkley.”

Berkley: “Yeah. I like the song ‘Touch me like you do'”

Oh. my.

Big box became break dance stage!

“Idaho!! {insert lots of giggles} It sounds like a bad word, or an inappropriate body part!”  -Beckham

Becks: it was my idea to use a tennis racket for an oar.
SP: It was my idea to use the broken one
Berkley: I didn’t have an idea!

I mean, I guess you have to appreciate the lengths she went to to pretend to be a dragon. But did it really have to be on a school night after her bath??

Boo green face

Boo green face

Boo green face

I kicked them all outside. They made personal tents and were reading in them.   

Brian- “This is like space vacuum weather.”

Laura- “What does that even mean??”
He then went on to explain and I had to ruin his new phrase by letting him in on the fact that we already call that “room temperature”

 

Funny Book

Boys FC Dallas

Me: “Berkley, we do this same thing every day!!” (I’m frustrated at her for having to tell her to put something away and not on the floor)

Berkley: “It’s a title sequence” (as in, it happens every time the same way on a TV show…)
Dec 2016
Brian asked his mom is if she met any boys at the family reunion
“No”Brian: “Mom, it’s a family reunion, I’m kidding!”
Dec 2016
SP: this is the worst foot falling asleep ever. I think it’s having a nightmare.
Dec 2016

Laura: who pooped in the toilet and didn’t flush it?

Berkley: Um, I’m pretty sure it was me
SP: No, it was me
Berkley: Yeah, it was her.

Oct 2016

We were talking about the state of Idaho. Beckham got the giggles:  “Idaho! It sounds like a bad word, or an inappropriate body part!”
Star Wars

We draw on the kids napkins every day they have a packed lunch. Brian was on napkin duty today:

Dec 2016

Funny Book

Berkley: “Sadie and mom looked the same. Until Mom died…(extremely long pause, we all look around at each other with wide eyes) her hair.”

Gave them a pack of tattoos. It was still a success cause it bought me 30 minutes of quiet.

Angry bird tattoos. There are about a dozen more across her body including both armpits.

We told Berkley she was never going to be able to drive and instead Becks was gonna have to drive her.
Beckham: “Yeah, I’ll Drive her around. Unless she’s in a bad mood. Then Sadie will have to drive her.”

upload

When something is extra yummy we say it’s cause we added a little extra love into it. We were talking about watering plants this time and how Becks has been doing a good job and he playfully told us (whiney voice included):

Becks: “Cause I add a little extra ‘why do I have to do it?’ when I water them”

That rare moment you're thankful you can't walk on water.

Berkley: “This game is no fun” Brian: “Why?” Berkley: “Cause the game is ‘Skip Berkley'”

Sadie piper said “are there any other games we can play with the pole?” Brian pipes in and quickly tells her no!!

upload

This was them recreating the scene in Inside Out where Sadness is being dragged by Joy!
June 2016

Becks retold a phrase that we had laughed at earlier and I laughed again. He said “mom, it’s only funny once”

Berkley asked Brian to watch a show. Brian: “Can I read a book and just pretend to watch?”

June 2016

Telling SP the band Cloverton is from Manhattan, Sadie says “I didn’t know manhattan was big enough to have their own band!”

Laura: “Berkley, you are now in my personal space.”
Berkley: “Yeah, that’s cause I like being in people’s personal space”

Berkley and her kitties

Laura: Sadie, don’t let people get your panties in a wad
Berkley: she doesn’t even have panties on.

June 2016

When we were going to see where Eisenhower is buried: “Dad, are you gonna dig to find him?” -Boo

Boo: I have a new student in my class and she’s already my BFF.
Laura: What’s her name?
Boo: I don’t know
Laura: Where did she move from?
Boo: Um, I think Kansas City. Cause she’s the same color as us and she talks like us

(in her defense she had a few new students from other countries move to her class that didn’t speak English yet!)

June 2016

Personal hygiene in our house:

L: Berkley, did you brush your hair all weekend.
B: no. But I brushed the kitties’ hair.

Brian: it’s Tuesday and I’ve had this shirt on since Sunday

Berkley goes to blow her nose, tries and tells me there’s nothing in there cause she blew it out at snack time “so I’ll just put this Kleenex back, there’s nothing in it”

Swimming at Thomas'

“I don’t weigh enough to be 6 ” -Berkley after we weighed her to see her dosage on a medicine and she didn’t hit the marker for 6 year olds.

“I have a funny daddy and a mom who cooks good food, that’s a good life.” – Boo

Berkley: “My panties are in a wad in my butt”
Sadie: “Berkley, it’s called a wedgie”

Sadie Piper toots and then says “I’m so cute, how did I do that?!”

Funny Book

Berkley: The hot dogs in my head tell me funny things to say

Laura: Where did you even hear that?

Berkley: The hot dogs told me

We hadn’t had ANY snow this year, so we used the pile from the ice rink cleanings to make a snowman! December 2015 Pics

Boo: Daddy, I have a question for mommy.

Brian: What’s a daddy question?

Boo: About adventures
Brian: What’s a mommy question?
Boo: When you need something.
Becks and SP playing wiffleball and asked Berkley if she wanted to be the stands!

December 2015 Pics

Berkley: Most of my dreams are about inappropriate stuff.
Laura: Like what?!
Berkley: “I like to dream about squirrels peeing”

This is Brian thinking he was going to blend into the wall. He said it wasn’t as successful as he hoped….

December 2015 Pics

Boo: Why don’t you put Band-Aids on?
Brian: I do, just not on everything.
Boo: I put Band-Aids on everything mom will let me put them on.

a

Berkley: “There’s a little spot in my stomach that real food can never ever get into. It only hold sugar stuff.”
December 2015 Pics

Boo to Brian: Mom sometimes doesn’t let me be funny, does she sometimes not let you be funny?
Laura: When do I not let you be funny?
Boo: When you’re being a grumpy little fella.

December 2015 Pics

“How come everyone is getting boobs but me?” -Sadie Piper  referring to bug bites on arm, neck, legs that they had called baby boobs)December 2015 Pics

SP on being the middle child: I live in Manhattan cause it’s middle sized. And I live in Kansas cause it’s in the middle

a

Beckham about Harrison Ford’s age in new Star Wars: “How did they make him look so old?”December 2015 Pics

Watching the movie Little Rascals- Boo, “I know who is gonna win the race, not the slow cars, the fast cars.”December 2015 Pics

SP upon learning the New York Yankees have a large fan base: “Wait! People like the Yankees?! NO ONE should like the Yankees”December 2015 Pics

How to steal a Berkley, by Beckham: “Cuddle with her and tell her you love her and get snack she likes.”
December 2015 Pics
I was heading home one day before dinner and texted Brian asking him to throw the sauce and meatballs in the pan. He sends me this:
December 2015 Pics
Then there’s this note he left me: a

Funny Book

Berkley: I drew a rainbow farting cat. It’s fat because it ate a trampoline.

Here’s her drawing:

a

Brian: I don’t like the way Reebok makes me feel mentally
June 2015
Boo: me and Sadie are fart guns.
Sadie: together we make a fart gun. Mine are stinky and hers are loud.
Radio: your lips taste like sangria.
Becks: he eats lips!??


August
Berkley tossed her ice cream into a cup of root beer and we laughed. Then she kept telling us.
I told her “remember it was only funny the first time”
Boo: “yeah!! Cause I went SPLAT!”
We laughed and she said “Was it funny again?!”
Shoot, she won.
Berkley: mom, do you feel what I feel?
Laura: what do you feel?
Berks: nothing
upload

Sadie with her panties in a wad, coming to tattle: Mom! Beckham said I was normal! I am not normal!

Beckham: I didn’t say she was “normal,” I said she was like a normal girl who likes girl things.
(She was SUPER offended by being called “normal!”)
Berkley (holding an arrow): “where’s the Bowen?”
Beckham: “it’s only a bow. You have the arrow. It’s a “bow ‘N arrow!!””
June 2015

Becks walks in the house to find Harriet sitting at table, he stares.

Hat: Beckham are you just gonna stare at me or are you going to come give me a hug?
Becks: I’m just gonna stare at you a little longer

Laura: “Berkley, am I gonna remember you this young when you get bigger?”

Berkley: “Well, yeah. You took a lot of pictures.”

I think I'm sadder about this missing tooth than about her starting kindergarten! Too many "lasts" this week...

Berkley: this is the best day ever! Anyways, I got a spanking, but it’s still the best day ever!!

Berkley: Dad are you gonna finish your book?
Brian: Maybe
Berkley: Are you going to read all of it?
Brian: I might.
Berkley: Only if I stop talking to you huh?
She found an American Girl doll that looks just like her. #AmericanGirl
Laura: “they don’t send you home with an instruction manual when you have a baby.”
Beckham “I got to fix that when I’m President”
upload
SP: My bug bites are taking me down!! They itch so bad!!!
Sadie asked Brian to ask her spelling words to her. When she couldn’t find the list she wrote them all down on a piece of paper from memory (spelled correctly) then handed Brian the list and asked him to quiz her. Brian told her, “I think you’re good.”
June 2015
Brian: The Astros went to the World Series, then Beckham was born, then they fell apart.
Beckham: I think it was my fault, I feel a little guilty now.

“Eggs sure do like to slobber a lot.” – Boo (speaking about the whites dripping when you crack an egg)

May

Berkley: what’s masking tape for?
Becks: I think for making masks.

Beckham: “I watched about a penny of Sadie’s softball game”
Laura: “You are mixing up your numbers, that’s money not time.”
Beckham: “No, like when people say, ‘I watched a quarter of the game,’ I only watched a penny”

Lakeside 2015

SP: I like Yeses, not maybes.
Brian, testing this statement: Do you want a spanking?
SP: (pauses) “…and sometimes nos”
Sadie in Hobby Lobby: “Look Mom! I have two heads!”
August
Sign said “$250 Fine” in handicap spot
Sadie: “Does that mean if you pay $250 it’s “fine” if you park there?”
…well, actually, kinda it does??

Funny Book

Beckham about the movie Annie: “I don’t know why but orphan girls have a talent for dancing. And it’s kinda creepy that they all just know the same dance.”

Annual Creepy Easter Bunny picture. #MHK

Beckham discussing what superpower he would want: “I would be Beast Boy and turn into animals.  I wonder what Sadie would pick, probably power to turn everything pink or super dance powers.”

a

Berkley: Mom, was there bikes in the olden days…when you lived? And once I saw a show and I think the bear was an olden bear cause he turned on his TV and only looked at 4 channels. Then he went to sleep.

a

Berkley: “I got sunburn at the pool” (it was indoor pool in December)

The youngest dressed herself for her first soccer practice...

Berkley: “Mom, I don’t want to smoke but I just want to know, where do you buy smokers?” (aka cigarettes) She proceeded to explain to me that she prefaced her question because if she had just asked where you buy them I may have thought she was asking cause she wanted to smoke!)

I now have a definition of classy white trash. #tennis #mhk

Berkley: “If I had a girl goldfish I would name her princess and put a little tiara on her. Made of paper.”(Later after thinking on this, she asked…”how will I put the little tiara on?”)

upload

We are addicted to Alton Brown’s granola. I have to make it weekly. Brian went to Presbytery one weekend, but left this note explaining the “real” reason he left:Well now. This is unfortunate.

Laura: “Can you see my panties when I bend over?”

Boo: “I can see you panties and I love them!”

To top this off she yells "hi-ya!" when she swings too.

Boo: “Mom I need help”
Laura: “Can you come to me?”
Boo: “I can but you’ll laugh at me and then take a picture and I don’t like it” (she was stuck her shirt, and it was cute, but I restrained from taking a picture after that comment!)
Fishoit Andrew Franks Memorial Ultimate Frisbee Against Rabies
We convinced Becks “y’all” was the correct answer. His teacher thought otherwise. We stand by it.

That's it. We are moving back to Texas.

Frat party

Becks: “Berkley do you want to play with me?”
Berkley: “only if I can be the spawned wolf”
(They weren’t playing a video game, just playing)

upload

Berkley to her friend Isaac: “Make a wish, but not the same wish I made.”

Isaac: “I wish for a lot”

Berkley: “I’m still wishing please do not distract me while I’m wishing.”

Snow day parenting at its finest:  Footies and TV.

Becks on girls showing their mid-drift: “Those girls shirts still have some tummy left.”

$1.31 scoops at Baskin Robbins today!! Woohoo!

These are the kinds of things I get texted to me when I leave the kids with Brian:

upload

upload

upload

Best dad ever!

Funny Book

 

 

We have to sleep for 12 hours because we have to give the people on the other side of the world time to be awake. – Becks

Beckham walks in and sees our sheets off our bed (to wash them): “did one of you pee the bed?”

a

Boo: I drank a lot of beers today
Becks: that means you’re drunk
Boo: No, I’m not drunk, I drank three beers
(disclaimer, she didn’t drink any beers…and they know what being drunk is bc we live in a college town! )

Brian: Berkley, will you please start the dishwasher?
Berkley: (Thinks) Sure! Mom taught me how to do that! (Runs off!)
Berkley: (Comes back) “Is that the clothes cleaner or the food cleaner?”

Berkley: Mom, other people get pets, and they get to keep them.

(At Chick-fil-a) Berkley: dad, you can have this. It’s a potato fry.

a
Brian: What are the other fries?
Berkley: chickfila fries.

“How do the store people get so much money so they can say ‘cashback or no cashback’?” – boo

Berkley: “My job is the be funny”

 

I got a message to come to deli, I asked "how did you know we were here, were kids too loud?" Then he reminded me I had a crown on.

Beckham: “Peter Pan’s name is Jack! …(pause). D-oh! Peter pans name is peter. Peter pans SONs name is jack ”

Berkley comes out of the bathroom holding her shirt

“will you help me put this back on?”

Laura: “Sure, but why is your shirt off?”

Boo: “Because I forgot to pull my pants down.”

L: “But why is your shirt off?

B: “I don’t know.”

A

 

Boo was out of bed and I asked her why
Boo: “I had to wash my hands cause they smelled bad”
SP: “it’s probably not your hands, it’s probably your upper lip. That’s what Howdy says.”

Becks: It’s an octopus. But it has more than 8 legs. So it’s an octopie

Becks: I’m eating carrots so I might not need glasses anymore.

Sadie Piper: Me too so I might be able to see Berkley at night
Berkley: My glow eyes might start working again!
Sadie asked why I was working out today and I told her it was so I could lose weight.
Before dinner she looked me up and down and told me she doesn’t think my exercise worked cause I didn’t lose any weight.

 

upload

“My plate is hue-normous” -Boo
Laura: There used to be no cell phones.
Beckham: That would be horrible if you lived way back then
SP about boogers: “Sometimes you have to use your finger. Then I have to throw it somewhere.”
“dad those flowers are like moms flowers, they’re dying” -boo

Berkley let us know she wanted to get married so she could have a daddy and not work, just like her mom.

Even being normal she's weird.

Talking to a friend, “We like really cold water. Cause we are from Texas.” -SP

“My arm ankle hurts.” – SP (speaking of her elbow)

SP about Lucy’s Mimi: “she has a Mimi too. Except her Mimi is way younger. She doesn’t even have wrinkles yet”

Pastor Tony in sermon: “Change of leadership”
Sp: “I heared ship! Can I draw a ship? Can I draw people inside?”

A

I had surgery to remove some atypical moles, so I was limping. Brian started calling me “Gimp-erella” When Berkley left the house that day she said, “Bye Gimp-erella!!”

Watching live Tv, commercial comes on

Boo: Why does it have these?

SP: They’re just advernating so people get more money

Sadie Piper is so hungry she's gonna eat Texas.

I asked Berkley about where a book was. She said she didn’t know. But she would look and find it and then “take a picture” to remember where it is (in her head).
When I asked her what the book was, she closed her eyes and said she was going to look at the picture. She opened her eyes and told me the title.

SP saw the sign for a dorm called Boyd Hall. She asked, “Why isn’t it Girld hall?”

Boo wrestling with Brian. Brian remembers he needs to reply to a text and picks up phone. Boo looks at him with mean face and says “don’t look up some good fighting moves”

Brian has Boo trapped. She says “dad, you have to let go of me cause you are the bad guy and the good guy always wins”

A

Dad washed hair.
Sadie dressed and ready to go.
SP “My hair has bubbles in it still…”

Later…

Sp, “can dads braid hair?”
Brian “yes!”
Laura, “no, don’t let him do that”
SP, “there is a lot daddies can’t do”
Mom, “there’s a lot mommy’s can’t do too, that’s why God gave you mommy and daddy.
If you just had a mommy you’d have really clean hair but no fun. And if you just had a daddy you’d have fun, but not clean hair.”
SP, “So just having a daddy is way better”
Explained to Becks that two Ls in Spanish is a Y sound.
Thinks.
“So you could never spell ball” -Becks

 

Spying on Berkley and Isaac…

These two kids were making me laugh when they were playing together…

November 2014

Berkley: “Are you going to come to my hotel and get a room?”
Boo: “Isaac asked for a football drink but I told him all we have is milk so I gave him milk”
November 2014

Isaac: Gypsy (their dog) did stinkies in my face. 

Berkley: oh, we call it poop

November 2014

Berkley: “What is the funniest dream you like to dream?”
Isaac: “Football”
Boo: “Isaac, come look at my room while I have one sock on”

November 2014

Funny Book

a

Boo: “Remember when Junie b got runned over by a dog?” (she was attacked by a dog, but was fine)

Berkley was playing pretend with the other kids. They were being dogs and cats and she purposely hurt someone by scratching right after being told not to do that. As a result she was being disciplined. 

On the way to her room she asked, “Can we pause the game?”
When I told Berkley we needed to clip her nails, she insisted on pretending to be asleep because she said that’s what they did to Junie B when they clipped her’s (she was actually declawed). I didn’t mind this game: a kid being extra still while you clip nails? Score!
a
Laura: Sadie you don’t even know what a record is

Sadie: Yes I do, it a little thing that you put a CD on and it plays music.
Berkley: When I watch tv, sometimes my eyes get slushy
a
Berkley: I don’t think I’m beautiful.

Me: WHAT?!
Berkley: and that’s what MAKES me beautiful.
(We need to cut her off of all the One Direction)

Found this gem at a thrift store for $5!! Brian hung it in the playhouse in the back yard. When Beckham saw it, he said “Um, that has a death phone. If you called it you would die!” 

C5A7276F-4453-4DC3-A3A1-3AA678D1C461

For some reason we were naming something:

Becks “I would name it “firsty””

Boo “I would name it “yellow and orange””

Laura “how about a real name?”
Sp: “how about Namey?”
Looking at picture of family before her, Berkley asks “Is that the picture of the time when you wanted one more?”
Brian: “I had a crush on a girl when I was your age Becks whose name was Deana Holmse.”

Beckham: “She sounds good.  Did she believe in God?”
Keep those priorities Beckham!!
Brian: We are going to baskin Robbins. They have 31 different flavors of ice cream!

SP: Ohhhhhh!! Do they have vanilla!??
Laura: Berkley, what’s all over your mouth?
Berkley: Snot

Funny Book

SP: look! Another cheez-it that’s two stuck together! 

Becks: well, it is mating season.
Sp: what’s mating season
*Laura holds her breath*
Becks: it’s when people get married.

"Voter assistants" also got stickers!

Laura: Berkley, what book do you have out from the library?
Berkley: I don’t remember! I forgot to take a picture of it in my head!


Took this boy to McDonalds. And his bag came pre-colored… (eww.)

Oct 2014

Beckham wasn’t wanting to go to school the last week last year.

Laura: You probably won’t do work. 

Becks: we have been doing work. We are giving compliments.
Me: that’s not work
Becks: mom, I got (insert name). He’s the worst kid in the class. It IS work!

Brian was putting his pinky up when drinking.
Becks: Dad, that’s not a tea cup. You don’t have to do that. Do it the man way.

Oct 2014

Berkley: “I’m famous”

Brian asks, “why are you famous?”
Berkley “because I’m on a lot of things”
Brian asks, “What are you on?”
Berkley: “the bench”
(She is actually sitting on a bench)
Berkley upset that something wasn’t fair

SP: berkley, do you want death and hell?
Boo: no
SP: well then life’s not fair
Boo: then I do want death and hell

Oct 2014

Berkley, while looking at the outside garden of Chick-fil-a. “Dad those flowers are like moms flowers, they’re dying” 

Didn’t realize til we were walking into the grocery store that Berkley just didn’t put on shoes when we left the house, and Becks was in his jammies from Jammie day at school. That can’t stop me from getting food for these Crazy People. We figured it out!

Took them into grocery store: Becks is in jammies cause it was Pj day at school, and Berkley just got in the car with no shoes. Just another day to not sweat the small stuff!

 

Found this snake. I don’t like this.

October 2014

Who decided it was a good idea to let the Little One hold the snake IN THE HOUSE?!!? (After throwing Brian under the bus just now, I realized someone (aka: her mom) should consider brushing her hair…)

October 2014

Brian sent me this picture and said they adopted a cat who needed a home. He was mocking me and my Junie B stunt, but I was excited to have a farm cat…take 2? (He didn’t bring it home 🙁  )

October 2014

“Dad, how come you scare so good and I scare so…bad.” – Berkley 

“Beckham, can I see your underwear cause I forgot what ninjas look like” -Berkley

I'm rollin' to pre-school

Berkley very upset: 

“I am not a little swimmer.”
Me: Why not?
“Cause I don’t have the blue fish towel”
OK then.

 

Super Sized Chairs

Sadie: Beckham, did you hear Berkley crying last night? I didn’t hear her. 

Berkley: I didn’t even hear me crying last night.

a

“Daddy, are you strong enough to lift our play house? Cause Beckham and I really want a tree house.”

Berkley